Maisam, a 25-year-old woman, had just completed her university degree when she was subjected to abuse by her husband. Her only “fault” was asking not to be limited to serving her husband and children, but to also pursue a job—driven first by financial hardship and second by her own ambitions.
Maisam recounts: “At first, the abuse was verbal. Then it escalated into threats of forbidding me from visiting my family, placing me in complete social isolation.” The conflict grew until her husband began spreading rumors that she was violating the values of her community, claiming she wanted to break free from accepted social norms. While this excuse became the public narrative, the truth pointed to something else: deeply rooted pathological behavior linked to a mental disorder—Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The abuse persisted, at the very least verbally, with accusations of lying, which eventually escalated into accusations of infidelity. This left Maisam with two choices: either remain, or leave.
This raises complex legal questions in the event that both parties take their case to court.
Would the courts consider indicators of Narcissistic Personality Disorder when making their ruling?
If the husband bases his actions on the pretext of protecting social customs and traditions—those that shape what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable behavior within the community—then a serious problem emerges. Customs are habits society grows accustomed to, while traditions are inherited cultural practices rooted in the community’s formation. Any deviation from them is often placed under the microscope of social scrutiny, since they define the image and values of that society. The danger, however, lies in how some exploit this attachment to traditions and customs as a justification for abusing and punishing women.
So, what exactly is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? And what effects does it have on its victims?
It is a mental health condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While it does not affect only men, men are more frequently diagnosed than women. Those with NPD exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance. They are exploitative, self-centered, and controlling. Such individuals suppress their partners, deny them the right to express their needs, and subject them to verbal abuse—ranging from insults, humiliation in front of others, offensive language, disrespect, and belittlement, to openly admiring other women and shouting at their spouse. This psychological torture becomes fuel for the narcissist, pushing him to escalate further. And often, it does not stop there—he may resort to physical violence as well, in order to fully dominate his victim.
The consequences for the victim, if not physical, will manifest at least as depression, chronic anxiety, and tension. And these effects rarely stop with the victim—they often spill over, destabilizing the entire family unit.
How does the narcissist conceal the real reason behind his abuse?
A narcissist satisfies his pathological needs by playing the role of the victim while projecting his own flaws onto the real victim. He fabricates accusations, claiming she embodies the very behaviors that, in reality, describe him. To escape accountability—especially in a society strongly bound by tradition—the simplest tactic is to accuse the victim of violating social norms and values. This makes it nearly impossible for the woman to clear her name. The result? A complete reversal of roles, where the abused victim is transformed into the accused, blamed for engaging in socially “unacceptable” conduct.
So, what choices are left for the woman—and how should we read them within this reality?
A woman facing abuse finds herself trapped between two options. The first is separation from her narcissistic husband. The second is to remain with him, despite the ongoing abuse. In both cases, she may not fully recognize that she has become a captive of a disordered personality.
The first option—leaving—comes with heavy consequences: family breakdown and disintegration, an outcome of great seriousness. The second option—staying—may, however, be even more dangerous. Enduring the abuse reassures the narcissist that the environment feeding and enabling his disorder remains intact, giving him license to continue his control. And now, after “flipping the table” by weaponizing social judgment against her, he possesses an additional tool: society’s condemnation of the victim herself.
How can we begin to find solutions to these challenges?
The victim must first fully recognize the presence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—because not every act of dominance necessarily indicates narcissism. As psychology specialist Hikmat Hassan explains: “Narcissism is important for preserving our existence and identity, but when it exceeds healthy boundaries of the self, it becomes harmful, abusive to others, and eventually turns into a disorder.”
Once the victim understands this, she must realize that the real challenge lies in escaping the negative cycle of anxiety, depression, and confusion—emotional states imposed by the disordered individual, not conditions she created herself, even though she suffers their consequences when subjected to abuse.
In this context, life coach and hypnotherapy specialist Abeer Khodr adds that this cycle of exploitation does not happen just once, but is likely to repeat itself up to 24 times.
Therefore, the victim should turn to a trusted mental health professional for guidance. Expert consultation can help her learn methods of protecting herself from the damaging effects of verbal abuse—one of the most insidious forms of violence—and provide strategies to safeguard her family’s well-being. This falls under the broader concept of mental health, defined as a state of complete physical, psychological, and social well-being, not merely the absence of illness or disability.
On the legal side, we must also ask difficult questions when such cases are taken to court. Would the judiciary recognize signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder when issuing a ruling? Would the woman be required to prove the disorder’s presence—despite the difficulty of doing so—in order to dismiss the false accusations against her? And could the court potentially award compensation for the psychological harm that led to her social marginalization as a result of these accusations?
Addressing this, psychologist Hikmat Hassan notes that while a husband may defend himself under the pretext of protecting traditions, his own testimony can still reveal clear signs of narcissism—particularly his excessive self-focus and constant attempts to reinterpret situations in his favor. Narcissists often project their own flaws onto the victim, but an experienced psychiatrist is able to detect the truth, no matter how well the narcissist hides behind a protective mask.
These are questions that demand thorough exploration. Only by answering them can women reclaim their rightful role—within their families as their immediate community, and within the broader society that embodies their aspirations.
